I became a Christian in the early fall of 1970, as a freshman at Syracuse University. A couple of guys from Campus Crusade for Christ (CRU) knocked on my dorm room door, came in and shared the gospel with me through a little yellow booklet. A few nights later, I prayed the prayer in the booklet. I asked Jesus to come into my heart and rule there from that moment on. He came in and began gently changing me. I was active with this Christian group for my four years at SU.
Back then, the first time you went home from college for an extended time was Thanksgiving break. For me, it was a week of strange loneliness, a loneliness that was deep and sad and felt good at the same time. Saturday evening, I went to the regular hang-out where I knew my friends would be. It was a bar in town we called “The Cave”. Sure enough, they were all there, my delinquent friends with whom I had had a lot of fun times throughout high school. It was a night of catching up, a time of boasting and laughing about the drinking parties and sexual conquests of the last couple of months. I really didn’t have anything to share. I quietly sipped one beer all night and played some pool. But I loved these guys. A true comradery had ended. Inwardly and outwardly we were miles apart now, and it hurt, but it would prove to be so worth it.
“The community which lives by the faith of the Bible will never fit comfortably into any culture.” Lesslie Newbeggin
After that Thanksgiving break, I wasn’t completely alone when I would come home. A guy named Kenny, who was a year ahead of me in high school, ended up also going to Syracuse University. His father drove us both up to SU and we began hanging out together. Due to the great changes he saw in me after I trusted Christ plus a healthy amount of badgering by me, Kenny also trusted Christ about two weeks after I did. There was also Roger, a guy a year behind me in high school, who likewise became a Christian. I witnessed to him when I first came home, using the same little yellow 4 Spiritual Laws booklet that the two CCC fellows had used with me. Roger prayed to receive Christ on his own a few nights after I spoke with him. So, there were two guys God provided as good friends of the same mind in those early days of faith.
Roger had a boat, and he and I would fish in Manhasset Bay. At times, during the summer, when I was down and struggling, Roger would call, we would talk a bit, and he would say, “Come on, we’re going fishing.” “I don’t feel like going fishing.” “Come on, we’re going.” He would show up in his car and we would go. At those times, he was a friend who stuck closer than a brother.
But even with Roger and Kenny, summers were still times of strange loneliness. Being transitioned from old Bruce to new Bruce didn’t come easy. I missed my old friends at times. It was a bad feeling/good feeling nostalgia. A girlfriend I had during my last two years of high school reacted to the changes in me by ending the relationship. At the time, I became tearful.
Ironically, after Christ entered my heart, I began caring for her in ways I never had before. I guess she liked the old “bad boy” more than the new “religious” one. She had no interest in joining me in my new-found faith. She pretended to at first, but gradually lost interest in sharing the relationship, with Him and thereby with me. For me, to live was Christ, and that separated us. Like with my old friends, we were now miles apart, and it hurt, but it proved to be so worth it.
Sometimes, dying to self has to do with dying to old relationships that, if continued, would threaten your devotion to Christ more than encouraging it. One must choose. And while that choice may be hurtful, or even tearful, it is so worth it. Jesus is treasure hidden in a field. Knowing Him intimately really is the best thing. Often, as a new Christian, there will be a strange loneliness that feels bad and good at the same time. Being misunderstood, avoided and considered weird by those you love for the sake of Christ is so worth it.
Thanks for reading,
Bruce
